Challenging my thoughts…..

No posts lately as I have been sliding slowly down south but not to a silly low level, just a “meh” had better days feel.

I got a bit of a cold and I’m getting shin splints feel in both legs, slightly more aggressive in the left which has a super flat foot. So not the best of starts to the week. I fixed mine and my sons bike at the weekend so that was good. So that levelled it up a bit, then the busy long Tuesday at work comes in. I ran my group which is a task for me at the best of times. Then I find a reporter and photographer from the local news paper was coming to report on me group! Wow and arghhh at the same time. That flew past and then I had to find out what mop head was for stripping,applying cleaning and buffing. As I wanted to get it sorted in my head before I start just before Christmas. So I asked the question of what’s for what in the office. The reply from the person who said previously ” oh can you do the floor over Christmas, it’s easy we have done it before a few years back, any questions just ask” was…. I dunno but they used what’s in there. 

My brain at that time wanted to race down the line of, you said just ask if there’s a question and that you had done it before!! Ahh f$*k it do it yourself and stick your job up your ar$e and stomp off. It seems like something so trivial now, but at the time it seemed really big! Maybe because in the background I have been thinking it through over and over of how to do it and what’s used for what etc…. but I hung on and bit my lip and said nothing and displayed nothing. I carried on doing what I was doing at the time but it was bing bonging back and forth like my own little argument in my head for some time, think four hours, in that time I had gone from a 4 to a 7 out of 10. I had thoughts of cutting myself. I had a thought of doing the floor, being told I’m doing it wrong by that person, I say bugger off I will do it myself, which they do. I finish it then hang myself just to say upyours !!!!! I challenged them and other thoughts saying to myself it’s not as big as it seems it’s all in your mind. But it was and is still hard to shake that persons words. It would have been better for that person to have said I know nothing about it in the first place and I wouldn’t have asked the question!!! I think I have done ok as normally I would have exploded and it would have been rather messy. Hope it’s better tomorrow 🙄


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